How do you know?

This morning I woke wondering, how do I know that I love someone? What are the things that make me sure that it’s love that I’m feeling?

I feel a lightness in my heart. A soft, gentle contentedness, and a feeling of being home. I feel expansive. And safe.

When I spend time with my children, I feel a trust that I can be me just as I am, and they will love me always. We are learning together how to set things right when one of us acts impulsively and inconsiderately, says something a bit thoughtlessly, or otherwise has behavior that is hurtful to another. We are teaching each other how to resolve conflicts in kind and considerate ways. We are agreeing that ongoing development of skills and communication, both in the sharing of our thoughts, and in the listening, will make us more present in our relationships in a way that is deeply satisfying.

One of my clear commitments is to really listen so that I can honestly try to understand the perspective of the other. To set my arguments, justifications, and explanations to the side for the time being, and just listen.

Another commitment is to never withhold my love, even if one of my children says or does something that I feel is hurtful to me. I have a responsibility to speak up about my hurt feelings, and I may decide that I need some time to myself to care for my tender self, but that doesn’t mean I will ever stop loving them. It is important to me that they know that and can trust that. And I believe the same is true in the reverse. In this way, I feel very safe in my relationship with them.

I’m very grateful that, in this time in my life, I’m able to grow and learn with my children, and then parlay these lessons into other kinds of relationship, including romantic partnership. I’m dedicated to being an excellent listener, a clear communicator, and to leading with my heart. To staying open, and trusting, and to remaining curious about what is possible if I allow myself to be completely vulnerable when I really care.

And if I do, choose to be that open and trusting, then I know it’s love.